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At the end of
July, about 6 weeks ago, my doctor's offcie called to tell me they
were referring me to a urologist after seeing an elevated PSA level
from a recent 6-month checkup blood test where I routinely have
my thyroid level and cholesterol level checked.
From that point,
it was a little over two weeks before I was to see the urologist,
which was not a pleasant thought that I was to have to wait that
long to see why my levels might be high (in case you don't know,
elevated PSA level is one indicator of prostate cancer). At 45,
it seemed a bit early. My father, at 69, had just been through a
removal of his prostate, which did have cancer.
The doctor found
nothing unusual in his office exam on August 16th, but I had to
wait over the weekend, and then an additional day until Tuesday
to get the news that my levels were still elevated after the antibiotics
he had given me to take for the two weeks prior to my seeing him.
He now scheduled me for an ultrasound and biopsy, but I was to have
to wait once again, another 2 and a half weeks, unitl the doctor
returned from his vacation he was about to take.
The time after
that leading up to the biopsy was extremely anxious. I was able
at various times to immerse myself in other things, and I begun
exercising as I read about how exercising was important for prevention
of cancer, as it is for health in general, not to mention my Cholesterol,
which also had risen since my last test 6 months ago. When I was
pondering the possibilities of cancer and threat to life, I was
distressed about my 3 year old, and the possibility of my dying
in 10 or 15 years. At the worst moments, I feared worse scenarios
where there may be acncer thathad also spread to areas much more
dangerous to my mortality.
On September
7, I had the ultrasound and biopsy, which was not nearly as painful
a procedure as I had fearfully anticipated. I barely even felt a
stick from the 6 to 8 biopsies taken. When the pain medication wore
off, I felt some stinging, and the side effects (passing some blood)
was the worst part. Again, it didn't hurt, but it was just not a
pleasant thing to see. Still, the worst part was waiting until Tuesday
(Sept 11) to hear the results.
I promised myself
that I would pick up my writing and communication of my hopes for
online community, and what that means for the Church. This was a
part of my determination to revere more of life, and to seek, to
the fullest possible extent, realization of my call in what I am
spending my life doing. This certainly involves leaving where I
am as soon as possible and getting on with the things I feel I am
called to. The beginnings of this site back on 1994 started the
activity which was to eventually give me the skills which were to
get me my present job in 1997, which has yielded still more skills
over the past 4 years. But the strategy for the net here seems to
be held captive by the spectre of "e-commerce" as it is
perceived to be by those who think they have their "finger
on the pulse". There will be much more on this, as it is my
chosen field (the "community" aspects, that is, and how
that can be and should be, delicately interwoven into the e-commerce
strategy). ESPECIALLY when the ecommerce we are speaking of involves
selling resources for Christian Ministry. It puts us in a realm
of responsibilty within the church as providers of resources for
ministry. If someone can't see the obvious , glaring need for community
and interaction around issues of "How can we be more effective
in ministry, and what do we need to learn?", then what in the
world are they thinking?
Back to Sept. 11 story
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