Sept. 10-11, 2002

A year ago tonight,  not knowing what was to occur the next day,  I was nevertheless filled with fear,  because I awaited news from my prostate biopsy on whether any cancer had been found.  I was much calmer than I had been before the biopsy,  partially becuase the biopsy was over and had not been as painful as I thought it might be,  and the doctor said that nothing had "jumped out at him" that would suggest that something would be found,  from their "scope" view during the biopsy (the biopsy was a sonograph-guided needle that took samples frm various locations in the prostate).

I had been having the normal blood in the urine that occurs for 4-5 days following such a biopsy,  so I was staying home from work on the morning of Sept.11.  I awoke when my alarm clock radio came on and the NPR anchor reported that something was happening in New York,  so I suppose it was just before 8 o'clock CST,  for the second plane was just about to hit.  I went in and turned on the TV. 

It was a strange and confusing mix of feelings.   Awaiting the news which had me, in the meantime, on pins and needles,  feeling the mortality and garvity of the situation,  and then this,  before me on the TV,  really happening in New York.  Both situations seemed unbelievable.  The waiting to see if I was in danger,  and the scene on the TV.  Unreal,  Real.  Over an hour went by and my mind began to wonder about calling the doctor to see if the results were in,  but he must be watching this, too, and I felt somewhat confident that it would be OK,  but still,  ......I waited a little ,  there were other things happening to "keep my mind occupied"; around 9:30 I called and left a message for the doc.  About 30 minutes later,  I went back and laid on my bed,  feeling scared again;  "What if?"  The phone rang.  The doctors' voice: "Dale?"  NOt much of a pause but I experienced one there in that instant,  before the next phrase "Good News.  No sign of cancer".  Huge Sigh.  "Take a deep breath, Dale" the doc says.  I said something like "What a strange morning to feel relief".  More talk.  Ends with "See ya in 6 months and we'll see how your're doing".  I walk outside and let out a "Yes!",  but then,  within seconds, I walk back to the TV and feel thankful to be able to turn back to the world and begin the process of figuring out what just happened,  and to begin almost immediately the process of letting this tragedy in,  and wondering how the hell it could have happened, and I mean that in a very teological sense.  This act was from the depths of hell itself,  for it was attributed to God ,  a blasphemy in any book,  whether it be the Koran, Torah,  or New Testament.  

© Copyright 2003 Dale Lature. Last update: 9/23/2003; 3:36:22 PM.