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Sometimes I feel that this "call" I sense that "sends me" to the online community is wishful thinking, and is not a viable vocation for the next several years. The feeling is understandable as I remain unemployed after 10 weeks (since Nov. 21). But I also want to gurad against letting my vision get squelched by forces which either do not understand (much of which happens within my own family and extended family) or misunderstand in such a way that also garners opposition on "moral" grounds. Either way, the economy and the lack of vision in this area of online community is quite discouraging. I have sensed the energy and support of people who have responded postitively and who have encouraged me in my thiinking, and seen it seemily evaporate as the new year arrived and new economic pressures came to bear.
At the risk of sounding ego-centric or self-important, I feel like a prophet in a sense. I feel that the call I am now sounding WILL be heard, but I shrink back from the idea that I will be instrumental in this eventuality, and that I will not find sustainable work in the not-too-distant future. This is the most difficult thing.
As February has arrived, I feel time running out (even as savings begins to dwindle....and quickly) on the small window I had to do intensive searching for work. It seems that all the options I thought I saw emerging over the past two months are now rescinding and withering away. I woke up at 5 am to blow my nose, then go to the bathroom, then get a drink, and finally gave up on getting back to sleep and have been up since. After posting some thoughts on a project in which I had hoped to find some support in the form of funding through a grant, the silence over this past week from my contacts or my circle of friends seems to be dragging me down.
The Weblog seems to be drawing fewer and fewer folks, at least as I perceive it by the lack of "comments" posted or "reactions" that have not been forthcoming from those I have asked for input. We have been visting a CBF-related Baptist Church in Nashville that seems to contain some seeds of possible "partnership" or "support" for the kinds of Web usage that I have been writing about, so I hold on to that as a new ingredient that may well prove strategic for visibility and legitimacy. The people are very warm and friendly, and the theological climate seems full of vitality and progressive.
8:20:27 AM 
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